Image Credit: We Heart It
Im starting to write this post at 23:42 after having a long think after writing in my diary. After closing it. I thought to myself “I wonder when my life will start to get interesting?” Now only I can make this change I know but there’s many reasons why I am holding myself back. I could be out there like not even somewhere exotic but even visiting different places in the UK, having fun and meeting new people. But, I just don’t make these plans and then sit there and wonder why my life is boring. Now I’m not saying I’m the most boring person ever, I have done some fun things and been on amazing holidays but its just rare. I’d love my diary to be packed of fun things frequently.
I love being at home, I love the comfort of being in my pyjamas, in bed watching TV and having everything I need close to me. I love having my family close and that’s how I have always been. I’m always like “I can’t wait to go home” or thinking about what I’d be doing if I was at home. However, I have had 2 weeks off of work and I’m so ready to go back. I haven’t really made any fun places or done anything exciting. It’s nice to relax after being so busy but it gets to a point when doing nothing and sleeping in till 11 gets me down.
I’m not a sufferer of anxiety, however recently I have become more anxious than I have ever been. One thing that gets in the way of me wanting to get out there is my medical condition. Thinking that something could happen to me when I am out is scary and it stops me from wanting to be in certain places. So when thinking of cool things I could be doing I think of the worst that could happen instead.
I’m not lazy either. I sit here wanting to go and do cool things but I don’t really want to at the same time. I over think every single thing and instead of just living in the moment I’m too much of a planner, then I become too overwhelmed and the plans just don’t happen. I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason so that gets in the way too. I always think that if I am not doing something, then the world is telling me not to.
When I go out even to town, I can’t just take my card and phone with me. Oh no, I need a bag with an umbrella, tissues, hand sanitiser ( I just can’t cope without that), a lip balm, glasses cleaner ( if there’s one smudge on my glasses I have to take them off, but then I struggle to see haha). Like all these things are normal but on a quick trip out not everything is necessary. So when I think of going on a quick trip where I’ll be staying over night I’ll panic and think about taking a big bag around with me (because if I’m staying over night I need some straighteners, my makeup and toiletries).
I don’t know if you are reading this thinking I am so weird but these are just things that go on in my head. I thought I’d write it all down, see if anyone agrees with me. I honestly need to start living my life. I am 20 years old and there are many things I need to do before I start thinking about settling down. Some people are all about travelling, whereas I’d love to have my own family as soon as its possible. However, maybe that should change because it’s going to be a while before I can afford to move out and bring up a child.
So hopefully I can reopen my diary and write down all sorts of fun things and make plans that will make my life more fun! I hope I can have more opportunities and amazing experiences. Thanks for reading this , and please leave me a comment below if you relate. I’d love to hear what you have to say or take on some advice.